Your family story is not your destiny

“In this family, we always…”. The phrase appears during a meal. Everyone seems to know the ending. We always take responsibility. We always choose badly. We always start again. Repeating it does not make it evidence.

I prefer to pause before accepting that conclusion. A memory, an interpretation and a fact are different things. We can observe those differences. We need not attribute your present to an ancestor.

When exploring family history, I separate interpretation from observation. You can question any reading. You do not need to accept it to keep talking.

Choose a situation you remember. What happened? What did you see? What were you told? What remains an assumption? You do not need secrets or other people’s private details. We can begin with your place in the story.

Seeing a repetition does not mean you must maintain it. You do not need to resolve your ancestors’ lives. Your history does not dictate your future.

What do you want to keep doing? That question leaves room for choice.